Drag Queen Dreams & Technological Tango
It was a warm day-when I finally awoke to it. I had strange dreams about being blackmailed into performing drag to raise enough money for a debt I owed. I remember the urgency I felt as I paced a drug store aisle. I was becoming increasingly frustrated by the fact that I couldn’t find my natural color.
I need to stop watching online episodes of RuPaul’s Drag Race right before bed.
There has been a noticeable anxiety associated with my work lately. I usually complain about not having enough focus, but lately I have been feeling flat out obsessed. I need to rethink my intentions and challenge myself a little. I’ve been growing increasingly restless lately in general. Maybe it’s because I have been chugging coffee while scratching at my nicotine patch. Why do I feel like I need so many stimulants? Don’t I feel stimulated enough? Maybe it’s that I’ve not been entirely comfortable with feeling this calm all of the time.
Sometimes, I sit at the computer and fixate on the flashing cursor. I imagine my heart somehow beating in synch with it and all of the possibilities it represents. Other times, I stare at the cursor through squinted eyes as if to intimidate it into revealing my mind’s intention. I have inadvertently established a love/hate relationship with the computer equivalent of a VCR flashing 12:00.
(God, does anyone watch tapes anymore?)
Technology really is amazing. The rapid ability we have as a culture to share and transmit information encourages me. I have always felt a profound need to express myself in one form or another, so it has been incredibly gratifying to have mediums that allow me to release that energy in both creative and professional capacities. More rewarding is being able to read others’ stories and see their reactions to the multitude of information out there. As strangely as it sounds, I wish that I lived in a place where the residents embodied the qualities of the online community I have grown fond of. Not that the city isn’t great, I just wish it were easier to establish honest connections with people.
I need to resurrect that extroverted social butterfly and temper it with a more noble purpose.
